As a woman in a happy, healthy relationship - Valentine’s day sucks. It’s sexist, it’s needy, it’s impersonal and it’s commercialized love. I don’t know why women want it or why men put up with it.
After all the progress that women have made in women’s rights in the past 100 years, the fact that Valentine’s day is such a huge deal tells me that we still have so much further to go. “But Valentine’s day is for men, too!” Yeah, men LOVE pink teddy bears holding hearts that say “I love you” in the curviest cursive imaginable. Valentine’s day is for women and we all know it and while I’m all for some sexist jokes, the only “place” a woman belongs is where she wants to be even if it’s not in the kitchen. But an entire holiday dedicated to all the stereotypical things that women love is beyond ridiculous.
And women, really? You tell your men that you don’t want anything but get upset if he doesn’t get you anything. Grow up. There’s this new trend in relationships called communication. Guys tend to have this little quirk where they can’t decipher your clues and they only hear exactly what you say so when you say “nothing” but you mean “a card, a necklace and some roses,” it’s a sure bet that he’s going to hear “nothing” and act accordingly. But my question is why do you even need anything? Why are you so easily impressed that he managed to remember a holiday that turns all stores red, white and pink? Congratulations, you’ve been successfully brainwashed by the commercial holiday world.
Worse than that are the women who are single and bitter. They NEED a man for this one day a year and I have witnessed too many women basically race to find a guy to be with. Or they get a bunch of girls together and go man hunting so they have a hook up for the night. If you really need to get laid that badly, they make these awesome things called vibrators. They’re a good investment and they come in all shapes, sizes, speeds and colors. I’m sure that you can find your perfect match so that you don’t end up going home with the first guy who shows you attention at a bar. If you can’t find a man in time, you complain about how awful this day is even though everybody who knows you knows that you would have the exact opposite opinion if you were in a relationship of any sort.
Men, you feed this monster. Do I like getting cute/sweet/romantic gifts from the man I’m with? Yes, absolutely. But what I like more is when he thinks of it on his own instead of being reminded anytime he steps in a store for over a month before Valentine’s day. A bar of my favorite chocolate will always win out over a giant box of mystery chocolates that will either be half eaten and spit out or given away after all the good ones are eaten. A random card on a random day or a day that is specific to my relationship is infinitely sweeter than a card that 500 other women opened on the same day as I did. Heck, a piece of paper folded to make a card with stick figures and a bad pick up line would mean more to me if given randomly than a diamond bracelet could ever mean when given on Valentine's day.
“But Valentine’s day is about love and romance.” You’re so right, it is. And generic cards and bears are not romantic. You know what IS romantic though? Cooking something with your sweetie. Going on a walk and talking while enjoying the scenery. Making something together. Going to a shelter and playing with all the homeless cats and dogs for a couple hours (that one might just be me). Get some play-doh or legos and rediscover childhood together. Do something that is specific to your relationship. If you both love to read, sit in bed and read all day together. I can feel close to the man I’m dating when we’re both playing video games. If you want romance, then be romantic. And for best results, you should try this more than just one day a year when the retail lords tell you to be. Stop believing the garbage that society is trying to force feed you and know that love does not come from a fluffy teddy bear on February 14th.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Weight Debate
I've noticed a lot of posts on Facebook lately that seem to draw this definitive line in the sand between skinny women vs curvy women. Currently, the curvy women are winning, with all their cute and easy to share pictures depicting bigger women in a flattering light while making anyone on the skinnier side of things look like anorexic, insecure freaks.
I don't understand this phenomena. I am 5'5 and I currently weigh 110, 10 lbs underweight for my height. My doctor wants me to get up to 120, but after having me as a patient for years, she understand that I physically cannot put the weight on and she has told me that I'm perfectly healthy at the weight that I'm at and that it does not affect my physical health in any way. But the internet would like me to believe that there's something wrong with that. That I'm some sort of outcast, that I have image problems and spend hours every day contemplating way to make myself skinnier than I am and figuring out clever way to hide throwing my food up.
And on the other side of things, skinny women are constantly criticizing heavier women for eating too much and not being able to control their food intake. The "typical" cycle of "I'm sad because I'm fat so I eat food that only makes me fatter." Any woman who is on the heavier end of her ideal weight range or past her ideal weight is some kind of Little Debbie eating monster who cannot control her impulses towards food and spends all day in the candy isle and at all you can eat buffets. She is painted as insecure and will yell at anyone who says anything that can be twisted into a fat joke.
I'm at a loss for where these stereotypes came into being. Yes, I will admit that some skinny girls do in fact have eating disorders to stay that skinny, but I will also know that heavy girls are actually more likely to be anorexic than thin ones. Under eating is as much of an eating disorder as over eating, both of these need to be brought to light and women (and men) who suffer from both desperately need to get help as they can both can kill you.
But what I am really confused about is why there is this battle between the two. There are pros and cons to both ends of the spectrum. I can wear teeny tiny mini skirts because I have teeny tiny legs but I can't strut my stuff around in a corset because I do not have what it takes to fill one out properly. When I wear shirts designed to show off cleavage, I look ridiculous. A well cooked steak has a better chance of surviving a pack of hungry dogs than I have of looking good in a pair of apple bottom jeans. And there's about the same chance of a heavy woman being able to rock some daisy dukes and a belly shirt without looking foolish.
What has happened to the tolerance of our society where if you're different from anyone, you're a freak and anyone like you is a freak and there's something wrong. Eat more, you skinny mutant! Eat less, you fat monstrosity! When did this become an acceptable practice in our lives? I can look at someone who has curves and fully appreciate their shape but I can also look at someone who is super skinny and see their grace. Why is this such a difficult concept for people to grasp? That beauty has many forms. Are trees only visually appealing during one season of the year? Or is there beauty to be seen year round? Does the same not apply to women? Can their physical forms not be appreciated in varying sizes? Do we HAVE to definitely say that there is only one attractive body type?
I like to think that the different body types that women have can only fully be appreciated because of each other. Like with foods, you can't fully appreciate sweet until you've also had spicy, bitter until you've had sweet. They each have their own wonderful qualities that make them what they are and they each need to be appreciated for what they are. Yes, we all have our own tastes. I prefer peaches to plums and I tend to favor cherries over grapes but that doesn't mean I'm going to go around saying that plums and grapes are awful fruits and should be shunned from society.
Us women are the same way. I've met telephone poles with more curves than I have and some guys still find me attractive. Some women have more curves than Lombard Street in San Francisco while others still have a rounder shape. Some of us are all legs, some have longer torsos. Tiny and tall, hourglass shaped, thick and thin. They're all acceptable and beautiful in their own way. And if you like one more than another, that's fine. It's to be expected. But is it really necessary to criticize, bash and tear apart the ones that are not your own?
I don't understand this phenomena. I am 5'5 and I currently weigh 110, 10 lbs underweight for my height. My doctor wants me to get up to 120, but after having me as a patient for years, she understand that I physically cannot put the weight on and she has told me that I'm perfectly healthy at the weight that I'm at and that it does not affect my physical health in any way. But the internet would like me to believe that there's something wrong with that. That I'm some sort of outcast, that I have image problems and spend hours every day contemplating way to make myself skinnier than I am and figuring out clever way to hide throwing my food up.
And on the other side of things, skinny women are constantly criticizing heavier women for eating too much and not being able to control their food intake. The "typical" cycle of "I'm sad because I'm fat so I eat food that only makes me fatter." Any woman who is on the heavier end of her ideal weight range or past her ideal weight is some kind of Little Debbie eating monster who cannot control her impulses towards food and spends all day in the candy isle and at all you can eat buffets. She is painted as insecure and will yell at anyone who says anything that can be twisted into a fat joke.
I'm at a loss for where these stereotypes came into being. Yes, I will admit that some skinny girls do in fact have eating disorders to stay that skinny, but I will also know that heavy girls are actually more likely to be anorexic than thin ones. Under eating is as much of an eating disorder as over eating, both of these need to be brought to light and women (and men) who suffer from both desperately need to get help as they can both can kill you.
But what I am really confused about is why there is this battle between the two. There are pros and cons to both ends of the spectrum. I can wear teeny tiny mini skirts because I have teeny tiny legs but I can't strut my stuff around in a corset because I do not have what it takes to fill one out properly. When I wear shirts designed to show off cleavage, I look ridiculous. A well cooked steak has a better chance of surviving a pack of hungry dogs than I have of looking good in a pair of apple bottom jeans. And there's about the same chance of a heavy woman being able to rock some daisy dukes and a belly shirt without looking foolish.
What has happened to the tolerance of our society where if you're different from anyone, you're a freak and anyone like you is a freak and there's something wrong. Eat more, you skinny mutant! Eat less, you fat monstrosity! When did this become an acceptable practice in our lives? I can look at someone who has curves and fully appreciate their shape but I can also look at someone who is super skinny and see their grace. Why is this such a difficult concept for people to grasp? That beauty has many forms. Are trees only visually appealing during one season of the year? Or is there beauty to be seen year round? Does the same not apply to women? Can their physical forms not be appreciated in varying sizes? Do we HAVE to definitely say that there is only one attractive body type?
I like to think that the different body types that women have can only fully be appreciated because of each other. Like with foods, you can't fully appreciate sweet until you've also had spicy, bitter until you've had sweet. They each have their own wonderful qualities that make them what they are and they each need to be appreciated for what they are. Yes, we all have our own tastes. I prefer peaches to plums and I tend to favor cherries over grapes but that doesn't mean I'm going to go around saying that plums and grapes are awful fruits and should be shunned from society.
Us women are the same way. I've met telephone poles with more curves than I have and some guys still find me attractive. Some women have more curves than Lombard Street in San Francisco while others still have a rounder shape. Some of us are all legs, some have longer torsos. Tiny and tall, hourglass shaped, thick and thin. They're all acceptable and beautiful in their own way. And if you like one more than another, that's fine. It's to be expected. But is it really necessary to criticize, bash and tear apart the ones that are not your own?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
But You Don't Actually Know That
Often times, when someone has passed away, friends of the people mourning will try and comfort them. This is to be expected, the sadness caused by death is awkward and depressing on so many levels. And it will always eventually happen where, in the innocent act of trying to comfort, someone will say "they would have liked that." I understand where this line of thinking comes from and in some cases, you may be absolutely right. The deceased may have LOVED whatever you're assuming they would have liked. But do you know that for sure?
I remember a few years ago watching a movie called "The U.S. vs. John Lennon" and it was about the battle that the United States had with John Lennon and his ideas and the things he did. It was a wonderful documentary and one of the people they interviewed was, of course, Yoko Ono. Towards the end, she said that she thought that John would have liked the movie. But I feel that there is no actual way to know that for sure. Because it's been years since he was killed, in those years, if he were still alive, who's to say that something wouldn't have happened that would forever change his outlook on things. All it takes is one event, something small, for someone's thoughts and actions to be forever altered.
Had John Lennon lived, there's always that possibility that he would have changed his outlooks on things. Because he could, like anybody can, change his mind on things at any given time. Had he lived, he could have become a totally different person than who he was. In spite of how well Yoko knew John, I feel that she really had no right to say that. Because even with as well as she knew him, he was always human. And people change.
I know, that sounds so typical, the whole "people change" line but really, where were you a year ago in your life? What were you doing a year ago that you don't do anymore? What are you doing now that you didn't do a year ago? Me personally, I ended a horrible relationship, made an entirely new group of friends via a social scene that I never knew existed, started a wonderful, new relationship (and a long distance one - something I said I would never do) and I moved back in with my parents. I've had to face the realities of my grandparents growing old, handle the suicide of a friend and took in 2 more cats. The person I am now would likely punch the person I was a year ago in the face if they met. Because they're just not the same anymore.
A year ago, you could have said that I would love to be able to take a trip to the beach for a week. But now, you'd be wrong. Do I still love and long for the beach? Yes, absolutely, but if I had a choice, I would rather go somewhere and dance for a week than to go sunbathe and get awful tan lines. So when you tell me that my friend would love something I did or said, I appreciate the gesture. Really, I do and I will thank you every time. I understand where it comes from. But you're wrong. And it saddens me that you don't know how wrong you are.
Perhaps these are just my thoughts, perhaps I've thought about it a bit too much. But I know there has to be at least one other person in the world who agrees with me. And to them, I say that I'm sorry for your loss, may your memories of them remain as vivid in 20 years as they are now and just know that well wishers mean well.
I remember a few years ago watching a movie called "The U.S. vs. John Lennon" and it was about the battle that the United States had with John Lennon and his ideas and the things he did. It was a wonderful documentary and one of the people they interviewed was, of course, Yoko Ono. Towards the end, she said that she thought that John would have liked the movie. But I feel that there is no actual way to know that for sure. Because it's been years since he was killed, in those years, if he were still alive, who's to say that something wouldn't have happened that would forever change his outlook on things. All it takes is one event, something small, for someone's thoughts and actions to be forever altered.
Had John Lennon lived, there's always that possibility that he would have changed his outlooks on things. Because he could, like anybody can, change his mind on things at any given time. Had he lived, he could have become a totally different person than who he was. In spite of how well Yoko knew John, I feel that she really had no right to say that. Because even with as well as she knew him, he was always human. And people change.
I know, that sounds so typical, the whole "people change" line but really, where were you a year ago in your life? What were you doing a year ago that you don't do anymore? What are you doing now that you didn't do a year ago? Me personally, I ended a horrible relationship, made an entirely new group of friends via a social scene that I never knew existed, started a wonderful, new relationship (and a long distance one - something I said I would never do) and I moved back in with my parents. I've had to face the realities of my grandparents growing old, handle the suicide of a friend and took in 2 more cats. The person I am now would likely punch the person I was a year ago in the face if they met. Because they're just not the same anymore.
A year ago, you could have said that I would love to be able to take a trip to the beach for a week. But now, you'd be wrong. Do I still love and long for the beach? Yes, absolutely, but if I had a choice, I would rather go somewhere and dance for a week than to go sunbathe and get awful tan lines. So when you tell me that my friend would love something I did or said, I appreciate the gesture. Really, I do and I will thank you every time. I understand where it comes from. But you're wrong. And it saddens me that you don't know how wrong you are.
Perhaps these are just my thoughts, perhaps I've thought about it a bit too much. But I know there has to be at least one other person in the world who agrees with me. And to them, I say that I'm sorry for your loss, may your memories of them remain as vivid in 20 years as they are now and just know that well wishers mean well.
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